Like Countable?

Install the App

State Of The States: Turkey Edition

by Countable | 11.23.17

Why’d the turkey cross the road?

And why’d he stand in the middle of it?

Tom the turkey "is a common sight at the intersection of Klein and Paradise roads in East Amherst, where he often blocks lanes, pecks at tires and circles cars," according to The Buffalo News.

Steve Levy, who resides in the area, told the paper that Tom will "just walk up right in front of the cars. He'll start going right by the tires and quite frankly it's really kind of dangerous. I'm surprised nobody's had an accident trying to avoid the thing."

Tom has become a bit of a celebrity in the area, and even has his own Facebook page. One of Tom's recent posts asks "Something to consider this Thanksgiving?" above a photo of Tofurky.

"He'll probably be in hiding the next couple days with Thanksgiving," Levy said. "But I just don't understand how he's never been hit."

Rafter Riffraff

Residents of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio say the turkey seen in this video is "part of a gang terrorizing the area":

On the Cuyahoga Falls Talk of the Town, residents (sorry) talked turkey.

"Reader beware. Yesterday around 5pm at the intersection of State road and Steels Corners, I saw a gentleman running for his life down the side of the road, with the infamous steels corners Turkey not far from his heels, angry as can be."

Over a hundred readers responded to the above post, sharing stories of their own run-ins with the aggressive poultry.

"They're coming for us," one commenter said. "The Walking Feathered.”

Unfortunately, the Rafter Riffraff has spread beyond the Midwest In Rhode Island, in what looks to be a crime of mating-season passion, a wild turkey wreaked havoc in an orthodontist’s waiting room:

And police in Bridgewater, Massachusetts, tweeted:

NOTE: A group of turkeys is called a "rafter."

NOTE 2: If you have to explain a joke/alliteration,it doesn't work.

Because We’re Stuffed (sorry again) With Turkey Stories

Nearly a million spectators turn out for Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City. "Keeping New York City safe on an ordinary day is challenging enough," Wired wrote. “Locking down a massive parade route is all the more so.”

The secret weapon keeping parade-goers safe on turkey day? Dogs. Specifically, a team of Labrador retrievers who’ve graduated from "Vapor Wake" security training.

Researchers developed the patent-pending training program at Auburn University's College of Veterinary Medicine. The university has "honed a process to breed and train labs that can detect faint whiffs of explosive particles in the thermal heat plumes humans create as they walk."

14 Vapor Wake Labs will be on patrol during this year’s parade, making sure the Snoopy balloon – and its revelers – stay safe.

— Josh Herman


Written by Countable

Leave a comment
  • NoHedges

    Why is it ok to denounce Christopher Columbus’ impact a couple months ago, but celebrate the Puritan’s hatred and deceit today? This is why we must stop trying to change our heritage to conform to our sense of truth; rather, we need to accept and learn from history, in order to build a better tomorrow.

    Like (12)
  • Andrew

    Happy Thanksgiving and if I forgot earlier Happy Columbus Day and thank God Trump is President and not crooked Hillary.

    Like (2)
  • S

    A show of true activism displayed by the turkeys. You want something to change, you gotta get out there and let people know.